The Yellow Brick Road

Along every pathway there are obstacles to face. The destination might be clear, but the way of getting there is sometimes foggy and more treacherous than you expected. But if you keep on the pavement, you’ll eventually make it.

These past few months have been the absolute hardest in my life. I left everything I’ve ever known behind in Kansas City, to pursue a new life in Las Vegas. I left all my family, all my friends, the only city I’ve ever called home and the comforts that came with that.

I’ve never had to deal with being lonely. I’ve always lived with other people, whether that was my family or friends. I’ve always had people close by. I no longer have that. I live alone, where I don’t have family or friends a quick drive away. At first I enjoyed the time alone. I got to do what I wanted and just hang out. And sometimes I really do need “me time,” but too much of it is not a good thing. I think that’s been the hardest part about being here. I’m a shy person at first and this is a whole new situation where I have to step outside myself and put myself out there to get to know people. No one knows me here. I don’t have a reputation in Las Vegas. This can be a blessing because you’re able to start over completely and be whoever you want to be. But that scared me. All I’ve ever known is being me and everywhere I went in Kansas City, I always knew someone who knew someone else who knew me or my family or friends. Instead of this being empowering and exciting, I’ve allowed it to scare me and push me back inside my shell… the worst possible thing I could do to myself. I’ve made small efforts here and then to step out and talk to people but it’s still just so hard.

Being in a new place brings all sorts of new things but having lived the same place for 22 years and suddenly being somewhere else is a strange feeling. I sometimes feel like I don’t live here and I’m just visiting for a while. I feel like I’m in other peoples’ space and that I don’t belong here. Don’t get me wrong… I LOVE Las Vegas, but I’m definitely not in Kansas anymore. It’s been a strange adjustment. I don’t know when it will finally sink in… or if it ever will.

I’ve had trouble finding a second job. I got hired on seasonally at a retail store, but I’m only getting a few shifts a week. I’ve looked all around trying to find somewhere that I could fit in. I just haven’t found it yet. I’m certain that something great is going to come… I just don’t know when and I’m not patient enough to sit back and let it happen whenever it wants to. I want it now! Haha.

Now… the whole reason I came out here was because of the opportunity I was given to dance. I’m so grateful for that and know that I’m here for a reason. But I’ve allowed all the other things in my life that aren’t going the way I planned to affect me in a negative way. I’ve lost motivation and drive. It got fairly bad… bad enough that I wanted to do something about it. Last week, I realized how bad it was. I was feeling sorry for myself and throwing myself a big pity party. What I didn’t realize was that I had absolutely no reason to feel sorry for myself and that no one was making me unhappy except ME! So I took some time to reevaluate myself. To really sit and think about how I’ve shown up and how I’m projecting myself… and I wasn’t happy with it. I have not shown up in a way that is authentic to who I am and what I want to be and become. The positive thing is that I realized this before it got to be too late or before I really screwed things up for myself. I woke up early Monday morning of this week. I got myself all ready for class and had enough time to run to Starbucks for a morning hot chocolate and pastry. J I got to class early, and I was so ready for the day.  Walking into the studio that morning felt different than it had the past few weeks. I was ready, I was excited and I was happy. All it took was a little attitude adjustment.

Life here in Las Vegas has not happened how I expected. It has been rough and very trying at times. But regardless of how things have panned out, this is not how it always has to be. There are so many opportunities here and so many things I can learn from. I think my biggest lesson thus far that I’ve learned is that I can’t feel sorry for myself because things aren’t happening the way I wanted them to. So I don’t have a really awesome second job yet… that doesn’t mean I can’t get one. So I don’t have a ton of friends yet… that takes time. I really had to think about how I was showing up and what I was doing to make things the way that they were. Some of it is out of my control to a certain extent. But my attitude was NOT working and I quickly shifted that.

So if you’re reading this and you’re feeling sorry for yourself that your life is not what you wanted it to be… I beg you to stop, because you’re not helping the situation if you do that. Dorothy’s yellow brick road wasn’t paved in diamonds. There was dirt in the cracks, the path was winding and exhausting, but she made her way to her destination because she chose to rise above the challenges that she faced. She did it in style and always found a way to make whatever she faced work in her favor. And the wonderful this is that she was never alone. There were people there to support her and encourage her every step of the way, whether they were standing beside her or thinking of her from afar. You’re never alone and life is never as bad as it seems. 

                    (Do you like my terribly photoshoped picture? I hoped you would! =P)