COURAGE, HEART, now a BRAIN

It’s been almost a year since I moved to Las Vegas and I’ve learned so much since then. More than I ever could have expected.

I realize that we are all constantly learning in life; about ourselves, about others, about our work, our dreams and goals, so although some of the lessons that I’ve been taught haven’t been the easiest, they’ve been life-changing, eye-opening and are so exciting.

Here are the Top 10 things I’ve learned on this road, so far (in no particular order):

1. Don't forget your badge of courage.  You cannot wait around for life to happen to you, you have to go after what you want. This may seem obvious, but sometimes you think that things will eventually fall into place, which is true to an extent, but it also takes your hard work and persistence to get those things together.

  

2. The road has many twists and turns and chance encounters.  Things don’t always turn out how we’ve planned, but that's okay. I thought I had things figured-out and knew how my life would end up. It turned out that my plan can no longer be my plan, but it will all work out even better than I could have imagined.

3. Embrace the journey.  Only you hold yourself back. I’ve got so much support and love, but this is one I am continually challenged by. Holding myself back out of fear is definitely a trait I will be letting go of.

4. Take friends with you.  When you open yourself up to others, you become happier. When got out of my comfort zone, I started opening up to new friends and different experiences, I became exponentially happier.

5. The answer may be with you all along.  Trust yourself more. Listen to your intuition and learn how to decipher what you really want. Then take action.

6.  The Wizard does exist.  When you feel lost, remember that God is always by your side. Don't stray from Him, stay the course and He will help you find your way.

  

7.  There really is no place like home. Your family is extremely important and it's possible that you’ll see the impact they've had ON your life and IN your life even more when they’re not around.

8. The Wicked Witch doesn’t have control! If you don’t like the way something’s going in your life, change it. Take charge.  Don't make excuses.  It's as simple as that.

9. Flying monkeys don't scare me. Don’t be afraid to try something new. Although it seems like a minor thing, when Bernard asked me to consider dying my hair, even that little change was big for me.  I had never entertained "changing me."  My first thought was “HECK NO!!” But then when I thought about it more, I decided that it was only hair and I should just try it. Go Ginger!  Guess what? Now I’m really happy that I did. It’s been fun and has given me a new sense of being bold and confident.

10. Ride the twister.  Staying in your comfort zone will never get you anywhere that is truly fulfilling! If you want to grow and progress, you have to constantly push yourself beyond what is convenient or familiar. Be brave enough to feel awkward and uncomfortable for awhile. That feeling doesn't last long. The positive results that come from it do.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to be constantly learning and challenging myself. I am extremely thankful for all of the teachers I have in my life. Most of all, I look forward to more lessons, new experiences and kicking up these ruby red shoes in the "City of Neon and Bright Lights."

Heart

“As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.”   - The Wizard of OZ

Some may wonder why the Tin Man would want a heart… why would someone want to feel all the heartache and pain that one can go through? But the wonderful joy you can feel from having a heart can outweigh the bad immeasurably. Having heart is being strong, forgiving, compassionate and full of faith. I also believe that having heart is connected to our intuition.

“Follow Your Heart”…  a common cliché saying that we have all heard a million times. It seems too simple… life is never that simple, right? But what if it was? What if following our heart was merely as easy as it sounds? I’m not saying that we are all making life harder on ourselves, life can be very challenging. I think that following your heart can mean different things to everyone. For me, I’ve learned that my intuition knows more than I give it credit for. And my intuition knows my hearts desires. The issue is that sometimes following your hearts desire is not always easy because sometimes our heart wants one thing, and our mind wants another…. And thus the battle within yourself begins. Other times you know immediately when something is exactly what you want.

When I was given the opportunity to move to Las Vegas to pursue my dream, I knew immediately, without question, that it was meant for me. My intuition knew at that exact moment that all was falling into place for a reason. That answer came very easily and quickly for me. But unfortunately in life, the answers don’t always come so quickly or merely as easily. When those times come, we must keep going in faith that God will guide us to our answer in His timing and in is His way. “We may not see angels, hear heavenly voices, or receive overwhelming spiritual impressions. We frequently may press forward hoping and praying-but without absolute assurance-that we are acting in accordance to God’s will. But as we honor our covenants and keep the commandments, as we strive ever more consistently to do good and to become better, we can walk with the confidence that God will guide our steps.” (David Bednar 2011)

We may not always understand why things happen the way that they do. But if we let our hearts guide us, we will always make it to where we are meant to be. There is no doubt that we will encounter disappointments and heartache along the way, but even when that happens, we must remind ourselves that the joy that we will feel when we get what our heart truly desires, will be better than anything we could have ever imagined. And that joy will help to erase the pain that we once felt. That joy will be a driving force in life… A feeling that we will strive to obtain. I believe that the Tin Man wanted that joy and was willing to endure that heartache that sometimes occurs so that he could experience what it felt like to be loved, to be blessed, to be grateful and to feel the happiness that life has to offer. How wonderful it is that we have to capacity to feel.

XOXO,

Dorothy in Sin City

UPDATE: LVCDT is working on our upcoming performances in Baltimore and Laguna Beach as well as our World Premiere of “Alice Down The Rabbit Hole” in October at the Smith Center in Las Vegas. I am teaching at a local studio and also working part time at a retail store. I am excited for the opportunities that may arise the next few months and look forward to being able to share all my experiences!

Courage

Courage is stepping outside your comfort zone. Courage is doing things that are unfamiliar. Courage is being scared, but going for it anyway. Courage is trusting that your life will lead where it is meant to.

In January I attended a casting call for a Redken Hair show. I nervously walked into a room full of all sorts of girls. I had no idea what to expect. We were asked to stand based on our measurements, height, hair type, color, etc.  I was booked to be a model in the show! It was so much fun! They highlighted my hair (I wouldn’t let them dye it… I was too scared) and then styled it into what they called the “Wrap Star Ponytail”.  I got paid to let people play with my hair all day long... FINE BY ME!!! The stylists were all in awe of how much hair I had and loved playing with it. I’m definitely going to try to do more hair shows when I can... as long as they don’t want to butcher my hair! Haha. I walked in totally out of my comfort zone, but walked out with experience and connections.

The Las Vegas Contemporary Dance Theater had three successful shows in Vegas at the West Las Vegas Library Theater for Black History Month. I was so nervous for the shows… I really wanted to do well and perform to the best of my abilities. We had one children’s show where we performed “Phib” and  “Pajama Party”. The kids all really seemed to like it and it was a really fun performance. Then that night we had an evening performance where I got to perform in “Solstice”, “Read Matthew 11:28” and “Lifted”. We did that same evening performance as a matinee the next day. All were such fun performances. I was reminded yet again, how much I love being on stage. I loved each of the pieces that I got to perform for different reasons. It was an overwhelming weekend of emotions. I am so incredibly grateful to have been given the opportunity to perform alongside such amazing people and artists. But not only was that overwhelming, I was overwhelmed by the amount of support that I received. I had so many new friends come and support me in my show. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such incredible people in all areas of my life. I’ve always felt like I was here in Las Vegas and with LVCDT for a reason, but having so many people come out to be there for me was just another bit of proof that I am exactly where I belong. My family isn’t geographically close to me to be able to come to my shows, but I’m grateful to have more people that I can call family. Moving to Las Vegas has been the craziest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It was definitely outside my comfort zone, and I know that I am gaining more and more courage since I moved out here to do things that are uncomfortable for me.

LVCDT just got back from a residency in Prescott, Arizona. We had two performances and a master class with area dance studios. Again, I was just overwhelmed with the gratitude to be a part of this amazing group of people, going to other places and inspiring other dancers to follow their dreams. It was heartwarming. I love what I do and who I get to do it with.

I will soon be starting a teaching position at a local studio out here on Wednesday nights teaching ballet and pointe. I am so excited and happy to be a part of the studio!

Things are really falling into place. I always knew they would. It has just taken time to get settled into everything and my new life in Sin City. I am excited and hopeful for what lies ahead. I have the courage to trust that my life is where it is supposed to be and that I am headed down the right path. Everyone is capable of courage, if they just take that first step towards it. It is there and so much easier to achieve than we think.

The Yellow Brick Road

Along every pathway there are obstacles to face. The destination might be clear, but the way of getting there is sometimes foggy and more treacherous than you expected. But if you keep on the pavement, you’ll eventually make it.

These past few months have been the absolute hardest in my life. I left everything I’ve ever known behind in Kansas City, to pursue a new life in Las Vegas. I left all my family, all my friends, the only city I’ve ever called home and the comforts that came with that.

I’ve never had to deal with being lonely. I’ve always lived with other people, whether that was my family or friends. I’ve always had people close by. I no longer have that. I live alone, where I don’t have family or friends a quick drive away. At first I enjoyed the time alone. I got to do what I wanted and just hang out. And sometimes I really do need “me time,” but too much of it is not a good thing. I think that’s been the hardest part about being here. I’m a shy person at first and this is a whole new situation where I have to step outside myself and put myself out there to get to know people. No one knows me here. I don’t have a reputation in Las Vegas. This can be a blessing because you’re able to start over completely and be whoever you want to be. But that scared me. All I’ve ever known is being me and everywhere I went in Kansas City, I always knew someone who knew someone else who knew me or my family or friends. Instead of this being empowering and exciting, I’ve allowed it to scare me and push me back inside my shell… the worst possible thing I could do to myself. I’ve made small efforts here and then to step out and talk to people but it’s still just so hard.

Being in a new place brings all sorts of new things but having lived the same place for 22 years and suddenly being somewhere else is a strange feeling. I sometimes feel like I don’t live here and I’m just visiting for a while. I feel like I’m in other peoples’ space and that I don’t belong here. Don’t get me wrong… I LOVE Las Vegas, but I’m definitely not in Kansas anymore. It’s been a strange adjustment. I don’t know when it will finally sink in… or if it ever will.

I’ve had trouble finding a second job. I got hired on seasonally at a retail store, but I’m only getting a few shifts a week. I’ve looked all around trying to find somewhere that I could fit in. I just haven’t found it yet. I’m certain that something great is going to come… I just don’t know when and I’m not patient enough to sit back and let it happen whenever it wants to. I want it now! Haha.

Now… the whole reason I came out here was because of the opportunity I was given to dance. I’m so grateful for that and know that I’m here for a reason. But I’ve allowed all the other things in my life that aren’t going the way I planned to affect me in a negative way. I’ve lost motivation and drive. It got fairly bad… bad enough that I wanted to do something about it. Last week, I realized how bad it was. I was feeling sorry for myself and throwing myself a big pity party. What I didn’t realize was that I had absolutely no reason to feel sorry for myself and that no one was making me unhappy except ME! So I took some time to reevaluate myself. To really sit and think about how I’ve shown up and how I’m projecting myself… and I wasn’t happy with it. I have not shown up in a way that is authentic to who I am and what I want to be and become. The positive thing is that I realized this before it got to be too late or before I really screwed things up for myself. I woke up early Monday morning of this week. I got myself all ready for class and had enough time to run to Starbucks for a morning hot chocolate and pastry. J I got to class early, and I was so ready for the day.  Walking into the studio that morning felt different than it had the past few weeks. I was ready, I was excited and I was happy. All it took was a little attitude adjustment.

Life here in Las Vegas has not happened how I expected. It has been rough and very trying at times. But regardless of how things have panned out, this is not how it always has to be. There are so many opportunities here and so many things I can learn from. I think my biggest lesson thus far that I’ve learned is that I can’t feel sorry for myself because things aren’t happening the way I wanted them to. So I don’t have a really awesome second job yet… that doesn’t mean I can’t get one. So I don’t have a ton of friends yet… that takes time. I really had to think about how I was showing up and what I was doing to make things the way that they were. Some of it is out of my control to a certain extent. But my attitude was NOT working and I quickly shifted that.

So if you’re reading this and you’re feeling sorry for yourself that your life is not what you wanted it to be… I beg you to stop, because you’re not helping the situation if you do that. Dorothy’s yellow brick road wasn’t paved in diamonds. There was dirt in the cracks, the path was winding and exhausting, but she made her way to her destination because she chose to rise above the challenges that she faced. She did it in style and always found a way to make whatever she faced work in her favor. And the wonderful this is that she was never alone. There were people there to support her and encourage her every step of the way, whether they were standing beside her or thinking of her from afar. You’re never alone and life is never as bad as it seems. 

                    (Do you like my terribly photoshoped picture? I hoped you would! =P)

The Words We Say... Or Don't

“But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking... don't they?”                                  

       -The Scarecrow

I love this quote from the Wizard of Oz. It is so true. There are a lot of people who talk just to hear themselves talk. And then there’s me… someone who has always wanted to talk but was too afraid to.  I’ve always been more on the quiet side. I’ve had a stuttering problem since I was a kid. If you just met me today, you may not realize that because it isn’t totally evident, but that’s because I’ve learned to work around it. I’ve had some really neat experiences lately that have lead to some realizations.

A few weeks ago, I was hired as an Extra for an in-house commercial for MGM. I was there for 11 hours… sitting, talking to people, walking back and forth. It was a fun experience and I’m very glad that I was able to do it. I got to talk to a few people who are pursuing acting as a career. I love hearing people’s stories… what they’ve been through, where they are and where they’re going. It’s so interesting to see life through others’ perspectives. It’s great to be around people who are passionate and who have dreams for themselves. I was paired with two men in their 30s and 40s that day and got to talk to them a lot. They asked me about myself and what I wanted to do and I got to learn about them as well. It’s wonderful how random people can teach you something when you least expect it.

While talking to them, I realized something about myself that I hadn’t really ever considered to think much about. I’ve always wanted to be a “triple threat”. I’ve got the dance aspect of that down and I’ve worked on the singing aspect too, but I never thought it would be possible for me to be an actress. I just always told myself that it wasn’t for me and I would never become that. They both asked me if I wanted to pursue acting and I said no. They asked why and I had to think about it. Then I realized that I didn’t want to because it scared me, not because I didn’t have an interest in it. I’ve grown up with a stuttering problem and have always known that speaking is not my strong suit. So I always assumed that acting was totally out of the question.  I told them about my stuttering and they both said that while I had been talking to them for the past few hours, they never noticed me stuttering. They encouraged me that I shouldn’t allow something like that to hold me back and that if I really wanted to pursue it at all, then I should go for it. I realized that for years and years, I’ve allowed something so small to affect me in such a large way. I’ve allowed it to become something that holds me back and takes control of certain things. I’ve been able to really come to terms with it over the past few years. I’ve researched it and learned more about it and I’m no longer afraid to talk about it. I used to be ashamed of it and didn’t want anyone to know. I used to be afraid that people would think I was stupid because I stutter. I’m totally open about it now and I’ve accepted it as something that I have to deal with on occasion. And sometimes that’s when things change… when you accept things for what they are… things you can’t always control. For so many years I’ve allowed it to control me and thought that I had no choice. But I was wrong. Who cares if I say a syllable a few more times that I’m supposed to? Who cares if it takes me a second longer to get a word out? I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge, but for some reason this challenge has always scared me. My stutter is not who I am and it does not control me the way I used to allow it to. It’s merely another small obstacle that I must hurdle. But I say BRING IT ON!!

I love random moments like this. Where a complete stranger can teach you such a valuable lesson. It’s happened to me many times, in the most unexpected places. It’s an amazing feeling… almost like they were sent there at that exact moment to teach me. It’s almost a spiritual feeling. You never know who you will meet. But no matter what, they can teach you something that you need to learn.

After this experience, I got to thinking about it and how I have always had an interest in acting. I got an email from a well-known local talent agency out here in Las Vegas who was casting a few small roles for the new Step Up 5 movie. So despite my fear, I went and auditioned. I didn’t stutter at all and I had no problem with the lines. I didn’t get the part, but I felt really good about what I had been able to do. I was going to be able to play a small non-speaking role in the film, but at the last minute, the production company cut the part. That’s the way it goes in the entertainment business. But I have no doubt that more opportunities lie ahead, and I’m excited.

Twister

Typically, a series of small experiences lead to one, big life-changing event. Like a twister, you ride it out until you touch down in one place. I am there.

As I explained in my last post, my story began with a pair of ballet shoes as a Christmas present. That present carried me though the next years of my life as I attended middle school and high school to eventually land me to where I believe the interesting part of the story begins…. 
After high school, I was accepted into the Conservatory of Music and Dance at the University of Missouri-Kansas City. I was one of about 10 selected for the program my freshman year… Lucky for me, because it was the only school that I applied to. I entered the dance department in 2009 and was scared out of my mind. It turned out to be one of the most beloved places in my heart. I met some of the most incredible friends there and got to work with some impeccable choreographers and instructors, one being Bernard Gaddis, whose company I am now a member of. Interesting how people come in and out of your life for a reason.

DeeAnna Hiett's Cast of "Without A Word" at the American College Dance Festival Nationals at the Kennedy Center in Washington D.C. May 2012

 

 Danielle and I after graduation from UMKC May 2013

Throughout the spring of my senior year, I auditioned for many companies in search of a job. I traveled from Florida to Colorado to Illinois. I auditioned for cruise ships, contemporary companies, ballet companies and modern companies. But nothing came from any of them. I began to get discouraged, but knew that I was doing something right because I would always get close to the end in the auditions...I just never quite made it. In June, after all my auditions were over, I met up with my professor Sabrina. She called her friend Bernard Gaddis who remembered me and said that I could come audition for his company the following week. That night I bought a plane ticket and headed out to Vegas the following week. And here I am, being given the opportunity to follow my dreams and do what I love.  It’s funny how life turns out sometimes. When I was a Sophomore at UMKC, I was in a guest artist’s piece for our show. While working with that guest artist, he shared something with us.  He said, “You have nothing to prove, but everything to share.” That stuck with me for years and before every performance, or whenever I was feeling discouraged… I repeated that to myself. It was a huge source of inspiration for me and it kept me going and loving what I do. Little did I know that I would end up working for THAT same guest artist one day If that isn't a twist of fate, then I don't know what is.

Every Story Has A Beginning...

My story started on February 17^th, 1991… the day I was born. HAHA! Just kidding… I’m not going to tell you my WHOLE life story. I doubt you care what I did on a day to day basis as a young munchkin, what I enjoyed in my free time when I wasn’t meandering through a field of sunflowers or what I got every year for Christmas for the past 22 years… a giant green bouncy ball, a Barbie wagon, a bike, a play doctors station, etc. As exciting as all those things were at one time, they don’t pertain to the bigger picture of where I am now. I’ll start with one special Christmas present in 2001 that I had no idea would change my life. I distinctly remember opening that gift. It was in a classic clothing box from some place like JC Penny. I unwrapped it and found inside a pair of ballet shoes and a purple dance class schedule from Legacy School of the Arts with a Tuesday night ballet class highlighted in yellow. I remember seeing what the box held, and I couldn’t contain my tears. I began crying and jumped up to hug my mom and dad and said thank you. I was so happy and so excited. I had always wanted to take a dance class. These shoes were my ticket to where I wanted to go. They were my own version of Dorothy’s infamous ruby slippers. I distinctly remember my first class… I jumped into my mom’s van with so much excitement. I made her take a picture of me with my hair in a bun at a stop sign on the way there so I could document the moment. 

 

When we got there, I walked into the studio with my new slippers in hand, so ready for what I was about to experience. I wore a brand new leotard and skirt set that looked like it was a sky full of clouds… I thought I looked awesome. I remember the exact spot that I stood at the barre and I could barely stand still, I was bursting! I had the time of my life in that class. I walked out with the biggest smile on my face and told my mom all about it. But I wanted MORE…  so the next week when I returned for ballet class, I also took the jazz class afterwards…. I was hooked. From then on I continued adding classes upon classes until my schedule was full. At one point I was home schooling, in multiple dance classes, taking private violin lessons, I was a member of a community orchestra and in ice-skating lessons. After a while of pulling myself in every direction, I had to decide which road to take, and it was clear to me that dance was the path I wanted to follow. I dedicated all my time to it and before I knew it, I was attending summer programs at The Jillana School, Ballet Austin and after my high school graduation, The Ailey School in New York City.

My story has only begun… my ruby slippers turned out to be so much more than I ever expected. The story’s twists and turns are about to happen. I’m about to be swept away by a powerful force greater than myself. Check in next time for the next chapter, but hold on tight.