The Yellow Brick Road

Along every pathway there are obstacles to face. The destination might be clear, but the way of getting there is sometimes foggy and more treacherous than you expected. But if you keep on the pavement, you’ll eventually make it.

These past few months have been the absolute hardest in my life. I left everything I’ve ever known behind in Kansas City, to pursue a new life in Las Vegas. I left all my family, all my friends, the only city I’ve ever called home and the comforts that came with that.

I’ve never had to deal with being lonely. I’ve always lived with other people, whether that was my family or friends. I’ve always had people close by. I no longer have that. I live alone, where I don’t have family or friends a quick drive away. At first I enjoyed the time alone. I got to do what I wanted and just hang out. And sometimes I really do need “me time,” but too much of it is not a good thing. I think that’s been the hardest part about being here. I’m a shy person at first and this is a whole new situation where I have to step outside myself and put myself out there to get to know people. No one knows me here. I don’t have a reputation in Las Vegas. This can be a blessing because you’re able to start over completely and be whoever you want to be. But that scared me. All I’ve ever known is being me and everywhere I went in Kansas City, I always knew someone who knew someone else who knew me or my family or friends. Instead of this being empowering and exciting, I’ve allowed it to scare me and push me back inside my shell… the worst possible thing I could do to myself. I’ve made small efforts here and then to step out and talk to people but it’s still just so hard.

Being in a new place brings all sorts of new things but having lived the same place for 22 years and suddenly being somewhere else is a strange feeling. I sometimes feel like I don’t live here and I’m just visiting for a while. I feel like I’m in other peoples’ space and that I don’t belong here. Don’t get me wrong… I LOVE Las Vegas, but I’m definitely not in Kansas anymore. It’s been a strange adjustment. I don’t know when it will finally sink in… or if it ever will.

I’ve had trouble finding a second job. I got hired on seasonally at a retail store, but I’m only getting a few shifts a week. I’ve looked all around trying to find somewhere that I could fit in. I just haven’t found it yet. I’m certain that something great is going to come… I just don’t know when and I’m not patient enough to sit back and let it happen whenever it wants to. I want it now! Haha.

Now… the whole reason I came out here was because of the opportunity I was given to dance. I’m so grateful for that and know that I’m here for a reason. But I’ve allowed all the other things in my life that aren’t going the way I planned to affect me in a negative way. I’ve lost motivation and drive. It got fairly bad… bad enough that I wanted to do something about it. Last week, I realized how bad it was. I was feeling sorry for myself and throwing myself a big pity party. What I didn’t realize was that I had absolutely no reason to feel sorry for myself and that no one was making me unhappy except ME! So I took some time to reevaluate myself. To really sit and think about how I’ve shown up and how I’m projecting myself… and I wasn’t happy with it. I have not shown up in a way that is authentic to who I am and what I want to be and become. The positive thing is that I realized this before it got to be too late or before I really screwed things up for myself. I woke up early Monday morning of this week. I got myself all ready for class and had enough time to run to Starbucks for a morning hot chocolate and pastry. J I got to class early, and I was so ready for the day.  Walking into the studio that morning felt different than it had the past few weeks. I was ready, I was excited and I was happy. All it took was a little attitude adjustment.

Life here in Las Vegas has not happened how I expected. It has been rough and very trying at times. But regardless of how things have panned out, this is not how it always has to be. There are so many opportunities here and so many things I can learn from. I think my biggest lesson thus far that I’ve learned is that I can’t feel sorry for myself because things aren’t happening the way I wanted them to. So I don’t have a really awesome second job yet… that doesn’t mean I can’t get one. So I don’t have a ton of friends yet… that takes time. I really had to think about how I was showing up and what I was doing to make things the way that they were. Some of it is out of my control to a certain extent. But my attitude was NOT working and I quickly shifted that.

So if you’re reading this and you’re feeling sorry for yourself that your life is not what you wanted it to be… I beg you to stop, because you’re not helping the situation if you do that. Dorothy’s yellow brick road wasn’t paved in diamonds. There was dirt in the cracks, the path was winding and exhausting, but she made her way to her destination because she chose to rise above the challenges that she faced. She did it in style and always found a way to make whatever she faced work in her favor. And the wonderful this is that she was never alone. There were people there to support her and encourage her every step of the way, whether they were standing beside her or thinking of her from afar. You’re never alone and life is never as bad as it seems. 

                    (Do you like my terribly photoshoped picture? I hoped you would! =P)

The Words We Say... Or Don't

“But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking... don't they?”                                  

       -The Scarecrow

I love this quote from the Wizard of Oz. It is so true. There are a lot of people who talk just to hear themselves talk. And then there’s me… someone who has always wanted to talk but was too afraid to.  I’ve always been more on the quiet side. I’ve had a stuttering problem since I was a kid. If you just met me today, you may not realize that because it isn’t totally evident, but that’s because I’ve learned to work around it. I’ve had some really neat experiences lately that have lead to some realizations.

A few weeks ago, I was hired as an Extra for an in-house commercial for MGM. I was there for 11 hours… sitting, talking to people, walking back and forth. It was a fun experience and I’m very glad that I was able to do it. I got to talk to a few people who are pursuing acting as a career. I love hearing people’s stories… what they’ve been through, where they are and where they’re going. It’s so interesting to see life through others’ perspectives. It’s great to be around people who are passionate and who have dreams for themselves. I was paired with two men in their 30s and 40s that day and got to talk to them a lot. They asked me about myself and what I wanted to do and I got to learn about them as well. It’s wonderful how random people can teach you something when you least expect it.

While talking to them, I realized something about myself that I hadn’t really ever considered to think much about. I’ve always wanted to be a “triple threat”. I’ve got the dance aspect of that down and I’ve worked on the singing aspect too, but I never thought it would be possible for me to be an actress. I just always told myself that it wasn’t for me and I would never become that. They both asked me if I wanted to pursue acting and I said no. They asked why and I had to think about it. Then I realized that I didn’t want to because it scared me, not because I didn’t have an interest in it. I’ve grown up with a stuttering problem and have always known that speaking is not my strong suit. So I always assumed that acting was totally out of the question.  I told them about my stuttering and they both said that while I had been talking to them for the past few hours, they never noticed me stuttering. They encouraged me that I shouldn’t allow something like that to hold me back and that if I really wanted to pursue it at all, then I should go for it. I realized that for years and years, I’ve allowed something so small to affect me in such a large way. I’ve allowed it to become something that holds me back and takes control of certain things. I’ve been able to really come to terms with it over the past few years. I’ve researched it and learned more about it and I’m no longer afraid to talk about it. I used to be ashamed of it and didn’t want anyone to know. I used to be afraid that people would think I was stupid because I stutter. I’m totally open about it now and I’ve accepted it as something that I have to deal with on occasion. And sometimes that’s when things change… when you accept things for what they are… things you can’t always control. For so many years I’ve allowed it to control me and thought that I had no choice. But I was wrong. Who cares if I say a syllable a few more times that I’m supposed to? Who cares if it takes me a second longer to get a word out? I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge, but for some reason this challenge has always scared me. My stutter is not who I am and it does not control me the way I used to allow it to. It’s merely another small obstacle that I must hurdle. But I say BRING IT ON!!

I love random moments like this. Where a complete stranger can teach you such a valuable lesson. It’s happened to me many times, in the most unexpected places. It’s an amazing feeling… almost like they were sent there at that exact moment to teach me. It’s almost a spiritual feeling. You never know who you will meet. But no matter what, they can teach you something that you need to learn.

After this experience, I got to thinking about it and how I have always had an interest in acting. I got an email from a well-known local talent agency out here in Las Vegas who was casting a few small roles for the new Step Up 5 movie. So despite my fear, I went and auditioned. I didn’t stutter at all and I had no problem with the lines. I didn’t get the part, but I felt really good about what I had been able to do. I was going to be able to play a small non-speaking role in the film, but at the last minute, the production company cut the part. That’s the way it goes in the entertainment business. But I have no doubt that more opportunities lie ahead, and I’m excited.

Twister

Typically, a series of small experiences lead to one, big life-changing event. Like a twister, you ride it out until you touch down in one place. I am there.

As I explained in my last post, my story began with a pair of ballet shoes as a Christmas present. That present carried me though the next years of my life as I attended middle school and high school to eventually land me to where I believe the interesting part of the story begins…. 
After high school, I was accepted into the Conservatory of Music and Dance at the University of Missouri-Kansas City. I was one of about 10 selected for the program my freshman year… Lucky for me, because it was the only school that I applied to. I entered the dance department in 2009 and was scared out of my mind. It turned out to be one of the most beloved places in my heart. I met some of the most incredible friends there and got to work with some impeccable choreographers and instructors, one being Bernard Gaddis, whose company I am now a member of. Interesting how people come in and out of your life for a reason.

DeeAnna Hiett's Cast of "Without A Word" at the American College Dance Festival Nationals at the Kennedy Center in Washington D.C. May 2012

 

 Danielle and I after graduation from UMKC May 2013

Throughout the spring of my senior year, I auditioned for many companies in search of a job. I traveled from Florida to Colorado to Illinois. I auditioned for cruise ships, contemporary companies, ballet companies and modern companies. But nothing came from any of them. I began to get discouraged, but knew that I was doing something right because I would always get close to the end in the auditions...I just never quite made it. In June, after all my auditions were over, I met up with my professor Sabrina. She called her friend Bernard Gaddis who remembered me and said that I could come audition for his company the following week. That night I bought a plane ticket and headed out to Vegas the following week. And here I am, being given the opportunity to follow my dreams and do what I love.  It’s funny how life turns out sometimes. When I was a Sophomore at UMKC, I was in a guest artist’s piece for our show. While working with that guest artist, he shared something with us.  He said, “You have nothing to prove, but everything to share.” That stuck with me for years and before every performance, or whenever I was feeling discouraged… I repeated that to myself. It was a huge source of inspiration for me and it kept me going and loving what I do. Little did I know that I would end up working for THAT same guest artist one day If that isn't a twist of fate, then I don't know what is.

Every Story Has A Beginning...

My story started on February 17^th, 1991… the day I was born. HAHA! Just kidding… I’m not going to tell you my WHOLE life story. I doubt you care what I did on a day to day basis as a young munchkin, what I enjoyed in my free time when I wasn’t meandering through a field of sunflowers or what I got every year for Christmas for the past 22 years… a giant green bouncy ball, a Barbie wagon, a bike, a play doctors station, etc. As exciting as all those things were at one time, they don’t pertain to the bigger picture of where I am now. I’ll start with one special Christmas present in 2001 that I had no idea would change my life. I distinctly remember opening that gift. It was in a classic clothing box from some place like JC Penny. I unwrapped it and found inside a pair of ballet shoes and a purple dance class schedule from Legacy School of the Arts with a Tuesday night ballet class highlighted in yellow. I remember seeing what the box held, and I couldn’t contain my tears. I began crying and jumped up to hug my mom and dad and said thank you. I was so happy and so excited. I had always wanted to take a dance class. These shoes were my ticket to where I wanted to go. They were my own version of Dorothy’s infamous ruby slippers. I distinctly remember my first class… I jumped into my mom’s van with so much excitement. I made her take a picture of me with my hair in a bun at a stop sign on the way there so I could document the moment. 

 

When we got there, I walked into the studio with my new slippers in hand, so ready for what I was about to experience. I wore a brand new leotard and skirt set that looked like it was a sky full of clouds… I thought I looked awesome. I remember the exact spot that I stood at the barre and I could barely stand still, I was bursting! I had the time of my life in that class. I walked out with the biggest smile on my face and told my mom all about it. But I wanted MORE…  so the next week when I returned for ballet class, I also took the jazz class afterwards…. I was hooked. From then on I continued adding classes upon classes until my schedule was full. At one point I was home schooling, in multiple dance classes, taking private violin lessons, I was a member of a community orchestra and in ice-skating lessons. After a while of pulling myself in every direction, I had to decide which road to take, and it was clear to me that dance was the path I wanted to follow. I dedicated all my time to it and before I knew it, I was attending summer programs at The Jillana School, Ballet Austin and after my high school graduation, The Ailey School in New York City.

My story has only begun… my ruby slippers turned out to be so much more than I ever expected. The story’s twists and turns are about to happen. I’m about to be swept away by a powerful force greater than myself. Check in next time for the next chapter, but hold on tight. 

From Oz to Vegas

From Oz to Vegas

There comes a time in every girls life when she has to make a change. She has to choose the path that she will follow and leave the comforts behind. Along with every journey comes new experiences and new people that you’re bound to meet...some will change your life for good and some will only be there to teach you a lesson.

As I boarded my flight to Las Vegas on September 1^st, 2013 I didn’t know what would be in store for me when I landed in Sin City.  I still don’t know for sure what lies ahead, but when I stepped off that plane and out into the hot, desert air, it was all but too clear that I wasn’t in Kansas anymore. 

I found the courage to leave the only place that I’ve ever called home on a quest to meet new people, to be accompanied by those who are wiser and follow my heart down the long road ahead.

I traveled through a whirlwind of events to land where I am today. I've had some great times along the way and met some amazing people, who I will take with me wherever I go. It hasn’t been all rainbows and lollipops, but I know it has all led me to here.

I’m extremely grateful for where I am.  I know that this latest adventure will only lead me to greater experiences, new discoveries and even more exciting stories. I hope you’ll follow me down this road as I find my way to my own Emerald City… ruby slippers not required.

Sincerely,

Dorothy in Sin City