Know Yourself and You Are Home

September 1^st, 2017 marked four years since I moved to Las Vegas. September is always a time when I reflect a lot on what has happened since I took that leap. I think about what I’ve experienced over the past few years and how much I’ve grown and learned from my mistakes and challenges. For some reason I’ve had something very specific on my mind lately that I know so many people deal with. It hasn’t been one of my biggest challenges, but it’s always been a constant challenge… Body image.

As a dancer, your body is everything. It is your instrument, your tool, whatever you want to call it. I’ve spent countless hours in front of mirrors, judging myself and my body. I’ve had people comment about my body and I’ve listened to my own minds critiques about how my body isn’t good enough. Growing up in ballet classes in my hometown or at summer programs, I quite often felt like the fat one in the class. And I was never fat! I was constantly surrounded by girls with the “perfect” ballerina bodies… slender, tall, toned, flexible. I’ve always hated my legs. They’re too short, too thick, and too disproportionate to my upper body. I had kids in High School laugh and tell me I had huge calves, or thunder thighs. I had a choreographer in college change my costume because my butt was “too big”. I grew up listening to these things, picking myself apart and paying attention to everything I hated about my body… my legs, my nose, my ears, my feet, my hands, my collar bones, my butt. I wasn’t flexible enough, I wasn’t pretty enough, I wasn’t tall enough. I sometimes felt like I was wasting my time wanting to be a dancer, because I never thought anyone would watch some big thigh, short-legged girl dance. But, I continued because I had hope that for some, it wouldn’t matter how long my legs were, or that I wasn't the most flexible one in the room.

I moved to Las Vegas because I was chasing my dream of dancing professionally. I have been accepted by numerous people as a dancer, not because my body is perfect, but because my body is capable and there’s more to it than just your body. I’m still here, still dancing, still chasing that dream one step at a time with the body that I was given, my physical home for my entire life. 

Over the past four years, I’ve still struggled with how I see my body. I still go to a ballet class and see some stunning dancer and think “I wish I had a body like hers.” I still look in the mirror sometimes and think to myself “I hate my legs”, or “All I can see are the bags under my eyes”, or “I can’t wear my hair like this, it makes my ears stick out”.  It always takes me a moment, to stop and remind myself who I am and how far I’ve come.

I’ve learned to appreciate and embrace my unique qualities. Just a few weeks ago, I was out with some friends and I heard a girl comment to her friend about my legs and butt. Instead of being upset by it, I’ve now come to realize how happy I am to not be shaped like a ruler. (haha!)

I don’t have the perfect body. I have a long torso, cellulite, and my butt won’t fit in everything I try on… but THAT’S OKAY! And I’ve finally gotten to the point where (most of the time) I can say that I’m proud of my body because it has gotten me to where I am now. It isn’t “ideal”… but what is? I’m strong, I’m capable and I can dance… all things that I am because of my imperfect body.

I know so many people (men and women included) deal with body issues and how they see themselves. If there’s anything I could pass on from what I’ve come to accept is that your “flaws” are only as big as you let them to be. You can either allow the societal expectations to chip away at your confidence, or you can embrace what is uniquely yours and yours alone. Don’t believe everything you see in the media, stop comparing yourself and keep being beautiful- inside and out!

Love,

Dorothy in Sin City


"Home is knowing your mind, knowing your heart, knowing your courage. If we know ourselves, we're always home. Anywhere." -Glinda