“But
some people without brains do an awful lot of talking... don't they?”
-The
Scarecrow
I love this quote from the Wizard of Oz. It is so true. There
are a lot of people who talk just to hear themselves talk. And then there’s me…
someone who has always wanted to talk but was too afraid to. I’ve always been more on the quiet side.
I’ve had a stuttering problem since I was a kid. If you just met me today, you
may not realize that because it isn’t totally evident, but that’s because I’ve
learned to work around it. I’ve had some really neat experiences lately that
have lead to some realizations.
A few weeks ago, I was hired as an Extra for an in-house
commercial for MGM. I was there for 11 hours… sitting, talking to people,
walking back and forth. It was a fun experience and I’m very glad that I was able
to do it. I got to talk to a few people who are pursuing acting as a career. I
love hearing people’s stories… what they’ve been through, where they are and
where they’re going. It’s so interesting to see life through others’
perspectives. It’s great to be around people who are passionate and who have
dreams for themselves. I was paired with two men in their 30s and 40s that day
and got to talk to them a lot. They asked me about myself and what I wanted to
do and I got to learn about them as well. It’s wonderful how random people can
teach you something when you least expect it.
While talking to them, I realized something about myself
that I hadn’t really ever considered to think much about. I’ve always wanted to
be a “triple threat”. I’ve got the dance aspect of that down and I’ve worked on
the singing aspect too, but I never thought it would be possible for me to be
an actress. I just always told myself that it wasn’t for me and I would never
become that. They both asked me if I wanted to pursue acting and I said no.
They asked why and I had to think about it. Then I realized that I didn’t want
to because it scared me, not because I didn’t have an interest in it. I’ve
grown up with a stuttering problem and have always known that speaking is not
my strong suit. So I always assumed that acting was totally out of the
question. I told them about my
stuttering and they both said that while I had been talking to them for the
past few hours, they never noticed me stuttering. They encouraged me that I
shouldn’t allow something like that to hold me back and that if I really wanted
to pursue it at all, then I should go for it. I realized that for years and
years, I’ve allowed something so small to affect me in such a large way. I’ve
allowed it to become something that holds me back and takes control of certain
things. I’ve been able to really come to terms with it over the past few years.
I’ve researched it and learned more about it and I’m no longer afraid to talk
about it. I used to be ashamed of it and didn’t want anyone to know. I used to
be afraid that people would think I was stupid because I stutter. I’m totally
open about it now and I’ve accepted it as something that I have to deal with on
occasion. And sometimes that’s when things change… when you accept things for
what they are… things you can’t always control. For so many years I’ve allowed
it to control me and thought that I had no choice. But I was wrong. Who cares
if I say a syllable a few more times that I’m supposed to? Who cares if it
takes me a second longer to get a word out? I’ve never been one to shy away
from a challenge, but for some reason this challenge has always scared me. My
stutter is not who I am and it does not control me the way I used to allow it
to. It’s merely another small obstacle that I must hurdle. But I say BRING IT
ON!!
I love random moments like this. Where a complete stranger
can teach you such a valuable lesson. It’s happened to me many times, in the
most unexpected places. It’s an amazing feeling… almost like they were sent
there at that exact moment to teach me. It’s almost a spiritual feeling. You
never know who you will meet. But no matter what, they can teach you something
that you need to learn.
After this experience, I got to thinking about it and how I have
always had an interest in acting. I got an email from a well-known local talent
agency out here in Las Vegas who was casting a few small roles for the new Step
Up 5 movie. So despite my fear, I went and auditioned. I didn’t stutter at all
and I had no problem with the lines. I didn’t get the part, but I felt really
good about what I had been able to do. I was going to be able to play a small
non-speaking role in the film, but at the last minute, the production company
cut the part. That’s the way it goes in the entertainment business. But I have
no doubt that more opportunities lie ahead, and I’m excited.
